Dear Mr. Wilson,
We come to you concerning the issue of the new changes in our school. First, we are concerned about the new attendance office being in the middle of the school. This has become a problem because having to walk around the side of the school only causes the student to become even later. Secondly, the office is away from the drop off zone. This also causes the students to be even later to class. Also, the parents might see it easier to simply drop their child off right in front of the main office. These are not complaints from only students, but also parents. In conclusion, please consider our requests as a way to help improve the school- not just as a complaint.
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Dear Green Team,
ReplyDeleteI like your tone; it's professional yet concerned.
I also like how narrowed your complaint is. Here's something to think about along those things though: You need to tighten up your thesis because you aren't writing about the new changes in your school, you're writing about one of the new changes in your school: the location of the attendance office. It's just a matter of how you state it.
About your support: You need to include more meat. If your entire letter of complaint is only a handful of sentence long, it will not be very effective. Instead, do some homework. Call around to other schools and get some info. to present to your recipient. How are other schools doing with tardies? Where are their offices located?
Also, the most important part of any complain is the proposed solution. Show your reader--who is the only one who can fix your problem--a logical solution. Think it out, write it out, and then invite your recipient to contact you for further discussion. Be proactive. That's what changes the world. :)